So...I just want to let you know that my AIM goal of $13,800 has been reached....PRAISE THE LORD! However, my personal goal of $1,000 is still needed in order to pay for the travel health insurance and shots that I needed in order to go on this Race! So...I'm asking with complete love for that goal to be reached! Please be in prayer with me that God will provide this amount! Thank you for everything! God Bless you all!
God is at it again! His perfect plans coming into play for us to have a glimpse! How awesome and wonderful is He and His call for us to follow.
We are in Antigua, Guatemala! All 75 or so of us! That's right...I said 75! The June '09 squad (also known as the "I" squad) is here with us, as well! There are so many World Racers wandering the streets of Antigua! It's awesome! And it was all a part of God's beautiful plan!
The I-squad just finished their first month of the Race....and not going to lie...but it's quite refreshing to see their excitement and positive spirit! Not that we, G-squad, is not excited anymore....I just think it's more prevalent in the newbies! I can't wait to have an opportunity to worship with them and to receive the excitement that they have! I pray that they too can receive the wisdom and knowledge that we have!
I just get excited to see all 75ish of us here! That God has chosen us to be a part of His Kingdom-building through the Race! We are His warriors! I'm ready to continue the fight for Him....and I'm sure the other 74 are too!
Jim Carrey says it best in the movie "Dumb and Dumber"..."I've got worms!"....and then you see the woman with this terrified and shocked face....and then Jim continues to explain to her that that's what he and his friend are going to call their store.
Unfortunately, that is not the case in this blog! Let me explain! In my last blog, I gave you a glimpse into the things I have seen on the Race! The good and the bad! I've had the opportunity to witness quite a bit in the battle between God's Kingdom and the world! I want to reiterate how awesome God is...b/c He is! I mean....we are learning quite a bit! We know that God doesn't need us..that He is perfect and self attainable....but because He loves us, He wants us and He chooses us! So...it blows my mind that God would use little ole me in His plans to bring Kingdom...in His perfect plans! That I am so blessed to be here in this place and to have seen and witness so much of His glory! That's the glamorous side of things!
So...here are the not so glamourous moments of the trip:
1. Getting worms
2. The whole squad taking de-worming pills for 3 days
3. Having a runny stomach for 3 or more days straight
4. Throwing up and having noodles come out your nose during that process
5. Being puked on, pooped on, and peed on all in the same day
6. The stinch of trash and other exotic smells that don't quite leave your nose
7. The joy of tasting "interesting" and "unrecognizable" cuisines
8. Exercising your calves while practicing your squats over stinky holes in the ground
9. Being showered with spit from the pulpit
10. Watching your male teammates not enjoying the ever-loving "thigh grab" of a male contact.
Hey...just wanted to give all of you an update on where my financial support is as of now. I've only got about $600 left to raise before reaching my AIM goal of $13,800...PRAISE THE LORD! I never would have thought that I could be where I am now! Please keep praying that the rest will come in before I leave the field...it will help a lot! Also...please pray that not only will the $600 come in...but that the gifts that I receive will exceed that amount, so that other Race expenses that were paid out of my pocket will be reimbursed!
And if you don't mind praying for my last 2 mos. on the Race...that I won't lose focus and be distracted by the thoughts of tomorrow! Thank you so much for everything...I couldn't have been blessed with better supporters! Talk to you soon!
Hi everyone! I know I haven't posted a blog in quite some time...nearly 2 mos...and I apologize! I think I started off not posting one b/c of a couple of reasons......
1) I got a little busy feeling
2) I got a little lazy feeling
3) I really didn't know what to write about
I basically have not been able to come up with anything to write about. And I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with it nearing the end of the Race for me! I have so many thoughts going through my head...so many ideas of what I should do when I get home...and none of them being confirmed! And how I'm battling with trying to stay focused on the "now" vs. the "future"! I don't want to miss out on what is happening now! So...I guess, unfortunately, I've been distracted enough by all of my thinking that I have left my blogging for later..and then later has turned into a long time! So, again, I want to apologize for keeping you out of the loop for a while!
Anyways...I had a chance to just start writing some thoughts that were running around in my head...basically, it started out as part of an email message to someone...but then I decided I wanted to post on my blog....time to let you know more of what's happening in my head...here it is:
I'm doing pretty great! But, I'm not going to lie....I'm exhausted!
Being in the field for 9 mos. straight and moving every month to a
different country, culture, and home can definitely be tiring! And it
kinda makes me wonder if this is what it was like for Jesus and His
disciples...constantly moving around...just going and bringing the
Gospel to wherever they go! And I wonder if they were ever this
exhausted? I don't think I could ever explain my whole trip to anyone
outside of the people who are on the trip with me...and them fully
understanding....there's so much that has happened...so much I have
seen and witnessed...so much I have been blessed to be a part of!
I have witnessed God heal a blind man! I have been a part of God
healing a young boy of cancer in his leg! I have heard of how God had
blessed a child with the money to go back to school the very next day
after we had prayed for him! I have seen people fall on their faces in
worship and prayer for Him...I have seen the tears of desperation for
His presence fall from the eyes of believers! I have felt the hate
that the devil has for God's children! I have seen demons take over
people's bodies and lives...I have spoken to them and prayed against
them! I have held babies who were given away and unloved...I have held
them and cried over them prayers that would break the lies of the
enemies...I have spoken truth into them...I have spoken God's love into
them! I have hugged children who hardly ever get hugged...who hardly
ever feel love! I have let them lay in my laps and rest their heads on
me....it didnt' matter if they had lice or hadn't bathed in weeks! I
have prayed for women who have been beaten and/or forgotten! Women who
have been told that they are unworthy! I have shed tears for women
caught in a web of sexual lies....being told that they are only made
for the pleasure of men...that they are nothing else! I have prayed
for men who have felt loss! Men who feel shame b/c they can't provide
for their families! Men who find pleasure in the things of the world
and who have not experienced the love of the Father! I have battled
against the lies and the power that Satan tries to have over this Race,
over my squad, over my teammates, and over myself! I have seen so
much! I have seen God bring joy to the broken hearted....I have felt
the release of the Holy Spirit in many places and ways! I have seen
God bring healing! I have seen God alive in many! I know my God
exists! And I want more!
I still have two months left out here...and then I come home! And
I'm scared! I have no idea what's going to happen when I get home!
And I have to remind myself that God does...and I have to continue to
trust Him and have faith in Him that He will share His perfect plans
with me when I need to know and lead me in the right path! I have so
much going on in my head right now! ha! Anyways...thanks for letting
me share!
So....It's pretty much Mother's Day...and that has been the talk around here...and I honestly have to admit, it's kind of hard, difficult, weird, and unnatural for me to be excited about or to even celebrate Mother's Day!
You see...it's all because of the way my relationship is with my mother. It's not anything like most of the racers on the Race, who get letters, and emails, and messages that flood their blogs....no, my relationship with my mother has always been very distant in ways! Sure...my mother loves me...and believe me, God is redeeming so much of our relationship...but she has never really shown me love in the ways that I would have loved to know!
She was, I guess you can say, absent for most of my life. My parents were kinda separated..in other words, I didn't grow up with my family together. My mother just kinda stayed a little distant from me and my brother. Now, I don't want to make my mom sound like she is completely a horrible mother...it's just that she didn't really know how to love us without getting too attached...that probably sounded weird...sorry, but it's the truth. Well...there's so much history involved that I'm not going to really go into...but basically, she was afraid of losing us, so she guarded herself, in a way. How was she to really know the effect that it would later have on me and my brother? How was she to know that ,in a way, she kinda did lose us? So...to defend my mother...she's not this evil, awful person....she's just not really too emotionally involved. But like I said....God is changing that as we speak!
In my "Dancing Fool" blog, I wrote about how God did some amazing things with me...and how I learned to forgive...well, my mother was in that forgiveness category! I learned to forgive her for the way that she didn't love me...for the way that she left me feeling abandoned, unloved, and forgotten...I forgave her for all of that (even though it was hard...and it hurt)! But I did it...I forgave her and left the rest to God! And our God is such a loving and faithful God that wants to see us celebrating with joy...that wants to give us the desires of our hearts....that wants to heal our brokeness...and He does not forget about us! He is a God of reconciliation! He knew my desire for my mother...and he blessed me tremendously! Up until about 3 weeks ago, I had not even spoken once to my mother, or heard from her (in any form of communication) since I left for the Race! And then out of nowhere, I get an email from her! Praise the Lord! And then God gives even more! When I usually talk with her, I am the one to say I love you first, and then she kinda mumbles it out....but not this time....She said it before I even had a chance to open my mouth, "I LOVE YOU!", loud and clear! God is Good! I must be his favorite! :) So yes, God is awesome...and He's continuing to work on this relationship for me!
So, back to the Mother's Day thing....so, how do I celebrate Mother's Day? I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm a bit jealous of the relationships that others have with their mothers...especially now, with everyone scrambling around to post messages, or videos, or write emails, and send e-cards to their mothers....and then their's me!
But I want to change all of that! I want to learn to be excited about it! I want to not think about all the times that my mother has not really cared about it! I want to be excited about it, regardless! I want to learn how to serve my mother and love her without worrying whether or not she will receive it well!
Do you now understand a bit of how I feel? It's not that I'm not happy there's a Mother's Day....it's just that I never have been happy about it! But I'm changing.....
Most teenage boys are running around playing sports or hanging out with their friends, but not Pavel! Pavel is a teenage boy with cancer in his leg. He walks around with crutch to help him move. His best friend is probably his mom who loves him so much. But something else that is different about this young teenager is that he loves God so much....he has so much passion and so much faith for his savior! He prays with everything that he has in him believing in the amazing power of God! He loves God! And though he is in so much pain...and though he may lose his life soon....he still loves his creator and believes in Him with all his heart and soul! There is so much to learn from Pavel and the faith that this young boy has....more than a mustard seed! Please pray for him...please pray that God continues to show favor upon him. Please pray for his mother and her amazing trust she has in God...and her ability to recognize that Pavel belongs to God first. Please pray for strength for the both of them. Please pray for God's miracle of healing over Pavel!
Yesterday, my team and Team Banah visited a home for women with disabilities....a ministry very close to the heart of our contact.
I don't know what it was, but I almost had this "normal" feel about this ministry before arriving. I guess, in a way, I've gotten used to being on the Race....everything is almost "just normal". I don't really know how to explain it...I guess I was just going with it, without any real thoughts about where we were going. I talk about how I have this heart for women, but I guess I've always concentrated on women in prostitution rather than these women.
We arrived, and I didn't really know what to expect. I was slightly nervous. I was almost not too sure how to love them. But God quickly took hold of my heart and owned it. He began to reveal His love for these women. Like in Hillsong's song, "Hosanna", there is a line that says, "Show me how to love like you've loved me....Break my heart for what breaks yours." He was beginning to do that in me.
As I watched them watch us worship, then watched them worship, then watched them watch us do skits, it became apparent how much God loves these women. It became apparent how much these women had been forgotten by everyone else, but God. And it broke my heart to learn that most of these precious daughters of God had been abused in their past. I would watch them tense up, or flinch, or both, as we would reach out to give them hugs. They were responded in the most natural way to them, a way that isn't natural in the Kingdom of God. My heart broke for them!
There was one daughter that God showed me...one daughter whom He loved tremendously...and needed so much of His love. He wanted her to know that she had not been forgotten. I had spent most of our time at the place just observing her; noticing how she was very shy, very recluse, very nervous...but I could also tell that she was excited about our presence. I inched my way over to her....I just wanted to give her a hug. I caught her attention, and she began to tense up. I reached out slowly to rub her back, and I had to fight back the tears when she flinched. I was hurting for her. My heart was hurting for her pain. I just rubbed her back for a while, letting her know that I'm safe. I reached in for a hug, and she let me hug her (although she had her defenses up-she kept her arms in front of her, almost like she was still keeping space between us). I continued to rub her back, and finally asked for her name....Patricia.....
"Oh, Precious Patricia, you are a daughter of God...and He loves you more than anything you can imagine!"
I made sure she heard me tell her that Jesus loved her. She needed to know...she needed to know that she was loved by the most perfect and beautiful there ever was. She needed to know that she had not been forgotten....that God sees her!
God loves those women....not any less, and not any more than He loves us all! He created them...they are the image of Him....beautifully made!
Here is a video of some of the women singing a song that they wrote themselves.....
So....a few weeks back...meaning about a month ago, when we had our debrief from India, something amazing happened to me!
It all started with my team's debrief with Michael and Kathy Hindes! I know that there was a lot on my side going on...a lot that I was trying to work on...and I have to admit, usually always working on a lot of that without God (Not a good idea)! Anyways, I had still been trying to cope with Lindsay Heston leaving. I became really close to Lindsay...I really trusted her, and I definitely love her dearly...and she loved me like a sister! She understood me...and I was missing that! It took me 5 mos. to build that kind of relationship with her...and then she had to go! So...I felt like someone who I really trusted and loved dearly was taken away from me! Also, she had been my leader for 5 mos. and I really respected her...she was a pretty awesome leader...and then to have someone else step in and take that place....it was almost too much! And then there is the baggage of my past life and all of the hurt from it....i never knew how much things from the past can effect me now...but it sure can! I was letting a lot of things rule my life...especially my past.
Well, after a lot of crying in debrief with my team...I ended up staying behind with Michael, Kathy, Jake, and my squad leaders (Kelly and Kyla). So...there we were...me and the leaders! A lot went on in that room during that hour or so! I'm not going to go into too many details...but I will tell you that I was delivered from so much that was still clinging on to me. I learned to forgive a lot of my past and things that happened to me...and the people involved! I have never cried so much in my life until that day. I never knew that I could cry like that! I don't even know how to explain how it was...but it came from a place of deep hurt and bruising....it was more real than anything! And it felt good to get it out! It felt good to let it go! It felt good to learn to forgive!
I was exhausted from everything that just happened...I couldn't even think anymore...and I didn't want to! I just didn't know what to do! To be honest, I didn't really feel any freedom right away! It wasn't until our last night with the Michael and Kathy and as a squad, that I started to feel!
We were there....just worshiping together as a squad like we always did when we get together...and I just became overwhelmed! I was sitting for the longest time...but then when I stood up to go pray over one of our teammates who was laid out in the spirit....I just couldn't stay still! I just felt so light! And so beautiful! And so FREE! I couldn't stop moving my feet! I just began floating all over the floor continuing to pray! And then I began to sing a long with Kim Walker! And I continued to move along that floor! It took me a while to realize that I had a huge smile on my face and that I was enjoying every moment I was spending with the Lord right there! I felt like the Lord had me in His arms and was twirling me around, and moving me along the dance floor with Him....HE WAS MY DANCE PARTNER! I loved it! And then I realized people were watching me...and smiling...and I couldn't help but laugh and smile back and act giddy as can be! I WAS FREE!I HAD THE HOLY SPIRIT HIGHS!I WAS LOVED! I WAS A DANCING FOOL FOR JESUS...FOR LOVE!
In Kim Walker's song, "He Loves Us"....the chorus part repeats over and over again these words;
"He loves us, oh, how He loves us!"
How beautiful is that?! He loves us! Oh...how He loves us! And He frees us....and He makes us DANCING FOOLS!
So....I've been tremendously blessed with the support of many..and I'm so excited to say that I am now only short $603 to reach my goal for the Race! Please continue to pray with me that God will provide the money needed to complete the rest and that I may have a chance to be blessed with more so that other financial obligations, such as travel health insurance and shots, will be paid off, as well! Thanks for all your support!
Now...time to get to the real point...one of my teammates and sister, Brenda Wilchowy, is in need of financial support! She is an asset to our team, and I cherish her friendship, wisdom, and warmth that she brings. She is amazing out here in the field...so, I'm asking for prayer and financial support for my sister! Please consider supporting her! Thank you so much!
